So there we are, jogging (we're just starting out, we'll run after) 1.4 miles, then back to the park to do the "world trail" (one of those trails that has the calisthenics stations, that you think, that's not that hard).
Well let me be the first to tell you, I'm in ok shape, but damn!!!! Ok, I could jog a little faster, it is after all only a frickin mile. But what I really need to work on is lifting my own body weight. Forget pull-ups, and push-up, I can only do girl ones. But I still think I'm in shape, hell I can squat 2-45 plates, not bad for a chick. So here we are at the last station, doing windmills (you know, stick your arms out to your sides, legs shoulder width apart and then reach your right hand down to your left foot, and repeat on the other side, a cinch right? Well, I'm goofing doing a bunch of those twisty things that Jack Lalanne is famous for, and I am brought down to my knees in pain. I get a huge charley horse in my right thigh, and it hurt to move, so I try to do some windmills to stretch it out, heck no, that didn't help, so we're done. We get back on the track to run our last mile before we're really done, and I can barely do that, it hurts to move. I am going to be sore tomorrow. I think I pulled something, doing the Jack Lalanne.
These are the distractions of my life. So I don't really have to think about the pain of it all. I think seeing Liz once a week is really helping though. At least someone is listening to me now. I can talk and talk, and she's there to comment on "why do you think like that" and then makes me think about it. I think that deep down I'm not the eternal pessimist that I thought I was, I think my partner, Kris, just sucked me into their world.
Kris, really isn't a bad person, just angry and self involved. The rants I have heard, and I don't really understand them most of the time. The conversation is way over my head, and it's usually angry b/c someone's stupid comment. I just wish Kris would listen to me more, and comment, as well as discuss the problems in a gentle voice of understanding and not the angry voice of, well, anger.
Ok, this last part, I'm not really sure about, I just re-read it and it sounds confusing. I'll have to get back to you on that one. But on ward and upward.
More of the Murph tomorrow.
Today I come home from the gym (doing my 30 minutes and reading my book) only to find a pile of trash on the counter. So I do not jump to conclusions immediately that its hers, I call my partner and ask "did you just eat 2 bags of cookies and a package of reese's peanut butter cups?" The answer NO. So what the hell is my sister doing? Here she is a big gal, on weight watchers, crying cuz she's fat, and she downs all this food.
I told myself that I would stay in my room when she came home from work, b/c if I saw her I was going to be mean and make her fat ass cry. So she surprised me and came home and I sat in the living room as she gobbled and slurped her dinner. I made some comments about the trash, and do you know what she did? She just sat there, pretending to ignore me. I know, b/c I just kept staring at her waiting for her to look over, but she just kept wolfing down her food.
Also, b/c she is a big gal, and I'm trying to keep her on the straight and narrow, I have been making everyone "sign-out" food they take out of the refrigerator. This will make her take note of what she eats, as well as the rest of us (we're all getting a little chubby). She eats 2-3 apples a day. Ok, the doc says "an apple a day" but she just slurps it down, like an elephant eating a watermelon. This is the only thing that is keeping my sanity and if she can't do this, well, she'll just have to buy her own food. I mean, I'm not charging her rent or utility and I'm feeding her. All she has to do is pay for her bus (on the 2 days she goes to school, b/c she can walk to work), her weight watchers and anything else she wants. I feed her, I house her, what the hell else am I supposed to do with an 18 year old? I'm too young to be a mom.
Ok, so right now I am just playing catch up, b/c I am such a procrastinator. Its just that this week has been so life sucking it's unbelievable.
As I've said in the past, I like to have things planned, and when they don't happen just like I planned, it makes me cringe. So yesterday I wanted to get all this stuff done for an upcoming play. But wouldn't you know it, I get an audition. IN VENTURA. For those of you from L.A. you know that getting to Ventura isn't that bad, really, if you could take something other than the 101, life would be grand. So I schedule the audition for 11 am. I'll get up bright and early, get ready and go. One wrinkle. I have to bring my sister. Not that I have to, but I have to. Good thing for her though when I say let's go, she's ready in 10 minutes. Oh and then get this, I get another audition for 10 am. IN LONG BEACH. Again, L.A. peeps can feel my pain. How the heck do you get from Long Beach at 10 am to Ventura at 11 am. Impossible. So I had to cancel the 10 am one. There was no way I was going to make it there at all. And what were they thinking contacting me the day before. Ok, so they're students, but shouldn't someone be teaching them that you do not call with less than 24 hours notice. Amateurs!
So, I took my sister shopping, and sight seeing in Ventura since she hasn't done much of it since she's been here. All in all it was a good day. We got along, I didn't want to kill her. And I think I got through to her that she has to find something to do with her life. We'll see how that turns out.
Off to hockey, ciao!
ICE your cell phones I love to pass along things that are beneficial instead of my usual assortment of gripes & analysis. ICE your cell phones. ICE is an acronym that stands for "in case of emergency."
This concept was “created” by a British paramedic Bob Brotchie. According to a TV interview he came up with the idea while standing over an unconscious car accident victim. He scrolled through their extensive list of cell phone numbers wondering who to notify & who could provide medical history. Quick answers to medical questions can mean the difference between life & death. A paramedic, or hospital worker, in knowing who to notify, can save precious time & effort.
No one likes to think about mortality or tragedy, but by adding the word ICE in front of your most important contacts in your cell’s phone book, may avoid a great deal of stress in a crisis. (In the worse case scenario: I understand that this practice aided rescue workers in identifying victims of the London Terror Attacks.)
Tip: Always place ICE before more than one name in your cell phone in case the first person doesn't answer right away. You can even use ICE1, ICE2, ICE3... to designate the order you'd like the paramedic to call people. Added benefit: If you lose your cell phone and someone honest finds it, they'll have more options of whom to call to get the phone back to you.
Here are some tips from the ICE website:
Make sure the person whose name and number you are giving has agreed to be your ICE partner
Make sure your ICE partner has a list of people they should contact on your behalf - including your place of work
Make sure your ICE person's number is one that's easy to contact, for example a home number could be useless in an emergency if the person works full time
Make sure your ICE partner knows about any medical conditions that could affect your emergency treatment - for example allergies or current medication
Make sure if you are under 18, your ICE partner is a parent or guardian authorized to make decisions on your behalf - for example if you need a life or death operation
Should your preferred contact be deaf, then prefix the number with ICETEXT In the U.K. an entire industry has formed around this concept with a registered data base of contacts & medical history & notification services. I’m sure some entrepreneur will start that up stateside as well. However, until that time take action today & ICE your cell phone. It will only take a few minutes but it could save your life or that of your loved ones.
Ok, it's only day 3 and I am already failing miserably. I did get proactive and make a little checklist to add to my class notebook with each step in it, so I can place a checkmark beside each task I have completed EACH AND EVERY PAMF day.
But, it's not looking so full. I have accomplished getting exercise and reading done. (jeez, it's only been a day really, woo hoo, pat pat on the back, good job) WTF.
Oh, and it's not really 42 days as Mr. Fab was going on about the other night. Its really only 36 b/c we don't really have 6 weeks of class (which would make 6 weeks multiplied by 7 days equal 42 days), we only have 6 weeks of Class night, hence only 36 days. So think about that!!!
My meeting with the therapist last night was good, but didn't really talk about what I wanted to. I want to work on me. I want to fix ME and I want to be fixed NOW. I'm sitting there on the couch and working my butt off, dredging up things that have been in my mind forever, and I'm finally able to let them out, and it's not really fixing what I want to fix now.
Don't get me wrong, I want to fix all the other stuff in my life, but what I want most is to be a great actor, and to be able to walk in anywhere with my head held up high, and not break down at the end (when it's not called for). I get caught up with stuff going on with my week. Screw that, it's already gone and done, forget it, move on.
That's my problem, I can't move on. Let's pack all those problems and send them to neverland, don't write a return address, just ship it out and get past it.
Ok, so that's probably not the best plan all the time, but some things that I am holding onto, could certainly be UPS'd somewhere. I mean FedEx'd somewhere (I hate, hate, hate UPS, but that's another story, you'll have to join my DOWN WITH UPS campaign.)
Anyway, gotta go, see ya tomorrow.
OMG, that's a lot of stuff to do everyday.
On this plan to greatness, I have to:
Read the newspaper out loud everyday. Have my nose in a book, everyday. exercise for 30 minutes, everyday. Write 2 pages of journal, everyday. meditate twice a day for at least 5 minutes (first thing in the morning, and then right before you go to bed works well.), as well as
work on your scene (which will be the same one for the whole 6 weeks), and Become an active participant in all you observe. (something that we've talked about in class)
So this is the next day after class, and I have to fit all this junk in my day. Did I mention that I already have a 40 hour/week job (ok, I don't do a lot at work, but it still takes up my days)? And the exercise part was easy, b/c I try to do that already everyday, so actually only doing 30 minutes was a snap. I blended #2 and #3, so I go to the gym and read my book for 30 minutes. Gotta learn to manage your time, I'm a planner, that's what I do. My Thursdays are also kinda crazy, b/c I have to get to my therapist's office in West L.A. from the valley at around 3pm. So that means that I have to leave work at 2 pm, thus cutting into my 8 hour day. Phewph, being an actor is difficult.
I really have to work on this stuff though. I've been with Mr. Fabulous (what we'll call my teacher) for a year now, and I'm still here. Unlike most teachers, Mr. Fab, want to get you OUT of his class and into the world. I love that philosophy. I think, no I know what is holding me back. I'm not doing my homework. I wait until the night before class, then I cram everything in. I was not that person in school, so why the heck am I doing it now?
I just have to buckle down and get my shit done. I want this! I want this more than anything. Maybe this should be my topic of discussion with Liz. My fear of success.
Well, off to my appointment.
Ok, so I am an actor in Los Angeles, and I have been studying with this fabulous teacher for the past year. I know, I know that's a little long to be with the same dude, but I did take a break in there (and boy was that a mistake), but he is so caring that it makes me cry.
But anyway, he has been teaching at this terrific school (the owner is amazing) for the past year, and I have been there from the beginning, and now he's getting "tired" of the same ol' stuff. So he's decided to change his teaching methods up a bit, thus the reason I am writing. You see, when the school started, he had 6 steps that he taught you. It didn't really matter what "method" you were using, he just wants to teach you how to use what you got.
But that's gotten a bit old for him, and he wants more of a challenge, so he is now giving us everything. We are what he hates to call his "master class", and now he has 6 additional steps that must be done EVERYDAY. Journaling is one of them, thus why I wanted to make by life easy and do it online, so I can go back at the end of the 6 weeks, to see what has occurred. So I will have to blog everyday.
Do here's to the next 42 days.
I have installed an interesting application - BlogJet. It's a cool Windows client for my blog tool (as well as for other tools). Get your copy here: http://blogjet.com
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." -- Pablo Picasso
Ok, wow, it's been a long time since I posted. I was doing so well too. At the beginning of each month I would begin with a new attitude and excitement that "we're going to lose some fat this month dammit. And when we got to the beginning of June, it was make it or break it time for the high school reunion. So I knuckled down. That and the fact that my high school reunion was a mere 4 weeks away, I had to get on it.
The bad thing is that I was in a quick fix mode. I was working of the weight loss infomercial, but I absolutely hated the program and never went. I did find a new alternative though while talking with a co-worker, he had started a new "raw" food diet and had lost 10 lbs. within the first week, so I decided to give this a try. After the first day and having enough of carrots and lettuce, I searched the internet for some ideas, and found some great recipes and info at the library. So we were down to Defcon 5 and I had to weigh in at weight watchers before we left for the reunion. And what do my wondering eyes discover? 8.2 lbs, Fuck yeah!!!! I was stoked, the only bad thing was that this was right before our vacation, and there was no way we could keep up this lifestyle in a small town, that had limited access to a variety of fresh/raw food.
So when we came back from vacation, I had eaten that lost weight off, dammit. I really wanted veggies, which was good, but then a week after I return from vacation, I'm back in Vegas, and who the heck eats healthy there. So the weight went no where.
So now here I am, back at 156 lbs., which is 10 lbs too much, and now my darling sister lives with me. So we will be re-starting this weight loss fad I seem to be going through, and lets get healthy. I wish my fabulous sister all the luck in the world in her weight loss. So lets get rid of some of that fat.
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